jonathanrice.com

People don’t pay much attention to life. They’ll shake your hand and forget your name in an instant. They’ll tell you the same story they told you last night at the bar, only this time without the bit where they totally could have made out with Jennifer Aniston, dude. And they’ll stop dead in merge lanes, for no particular reason.

These things annoy me. But some other lapses just confuse me.

For instance, today I am wearing a shirt featuring a repeating pattern of motorcycles. Next to each motorcycle is the legend ‘McQueen’. The shirt, you see, is a homage to Steve McQueen, who was quite the coolest man ever to live. My brother knows this, which is why he bought me the shirt.

And today, two separate people have glanced at my shirt, and said “Oh, the Queen – cool.” Then, after a few seconds they have suddenly looked a little puzzled and asked me, in all seriousness, “Does the Queen really ride a motorcycle?”

Forget that the motorcycle on the shirt is tilted at a gravity-defying 25 degree angle, or that the person atop it is quite obviously male. Forget that the Queen is, oh, what, 106 years old. Forget, for Chrissake, that she’s the friggin’ QUEEN.

Does she ride a motorcycle?

Well, as I patiently explained, she used to. She actually took one round Donington Park at an average speed of 109mph once, back when she was a lass. In fact, Ayrton Senna only lapped a couple of miles an hour faster when he set the track record back in 1993 in a McLaren Formula One car. Of course, she had to quit when she acceded to the throne in 1953, insurance and all that. But yep, back in the day she was quite the speed demon.

“Oh…” comes the bewildered response. “Well, ok…”

And then they walk away, with that gratifying bafflement etched on their faces in a series of furrows in their brow that deepen as they leave.

Later, just in case, I google ‘Queen Motorcycle Donington Park’.

Nope, she doesn’t.